Check Out

IN THE CHECK OUT LANE

Check out lane manager: "Please come down to our express lane, it's much faster."

Me ( in my head) : " Yes, I realize that, I've been standing in check out lanes for more than two decades, I actually chose this one because the lady in front of me just bought enough food for a small country which means I can stand here for at least five minutes; that's five uninterrupted minutes of relative silence where I get to read a magazine that I won't buy but that provides me with important information like the fact that J.Lo really does have butt insurance, someone gave Katie her brain back and she is leaving Tom and wearing normal clothes again, and that I apparently need to be on Team Edward or Team Jacob. I was actually most of the way through an article about Will and Kate, so please leave me alone, you are messing with the delicate balance of my day."

What I actually said to the clerk: "Oh, of course, thank you!"